The kid and me

The kid and me 

Raising kids is the most difficult task I have come across in my life.I always thought that all you need to do wash their little butts ,feed them and make them sleep and of course play with them occasionally.But as my elder is about to reach her puberty her questions and concerns are also maturing and most of the times I find myself like a soldier in the line of fire.I run away from those sensibly formed questions about my life and relationships and her keen observation sometimes irritates me.I try to convince myself that she is just a kid and these are just senseless and baseless questions but in my heart I know that I am a coward and it's me who is running away from harsh realities of life instead of answering her concerns.Parenting becomes very difficult when children start mirroring our fears.Their inquisitive nature is actually us questioning ourselves ,the things we keep our children away from so that we don't have to recall and answer.

I have often heard parents of teens telling how the kid is changing and now unpleasant mostly it is but as I am about to enter that stage soon I realize it's not the kids,it's us,the parents who are entering a new phase where we want to control our demons so that our child doesn't get a glimpse of it.In trying to prove myself a superhero to my kid I feel like I am losing it somewhere within me.The questions I fear to be asked will be asked by my kids and I am very reluctant to answer because I can not allow myself to show my darker side to my kid.

I somehow disagree with the fact that parents should stay collected in front of kids.I feel we should show them our darker sides also so that children take us as humans not as Gods who do not make mistakes.The perfection we show them isn't always required.I think breaking down in front of your child will make the bond more stronger ,but yes we should always see when the child is ready as the maturity level is different for every child.

The Brylcreem

 

The Brylcreem

Last month grocery shopping was a little different.first because my better half accompanied me and second was this brylcreem.Many of my generation which now happens to be quite old know what brylcreem is.My husband was looking for it since days because he wanted it badly to fix his wavy locks and it was nowhere to be found but atlast we found it in a specific store.

That bright red/ blue jar which opens upside down took me back to my memory lane when I was exactly the age of my eldest daughter.I suddenly time travelled when next morning I saw my husband applying the brylcreem exactly the way my father used to apply who is critically ill at the moment.the emotion was overwhelming,can not be described in words.The same scent,the same gesture the same way of combing.My husband is nothing like my father nor physically nor nature wise but the gesture was so similar and familiar.It all took me back when he used to apply brylcreem so regularly to keep his hair fixed for upcoming office day and screaming at the same time that we will be late for school while we used to eat those specific fauji corn flakes and watch the three minute tom and Jerry cartoon on Mustansir hussain tarar morning show. I never realized till then how brylcreem was such an important thing in my life and how I will never be able to see Brylcreem the same way.

I secretly sniffed the brylcreem today to feel my childhood and to feel how my father used to be so healthy that he could apply brylcreem using his hands in contrast to that he can not eat his food properly with one working hand and me mocking at his brylcreem applying procedure versus how I can't even look at him now in so much misery.Life gives you so much of contrast,isn't it..

I was or am still not daddy's little girl,I have always been limited with my emotions as far as father is concerned unlike my daughter's but secretly I wish there could be a brylcreem who could fix him the way it fixed it his hair perfectly.

We sometimes do not realize the impact of little things in our life.We relate our memories to the people or how they made/make us feel but sometimes the still objects have a much larger effect.

I am so glad that my husband bought brylcreem and made me travel my memory lane,the road which I travel quite less.

Mid-life

Happy birthday to me.Its my birthday and all I can think of is that I am aging,well certainly not like a fine wine or Italian parmesan cheese but just an ordinary woman who wakes up struggling and goes to sleep with the same.I heard a lot about midlife crisis and guess what, this pandemic fell right in the middle of my mid life crisis and my crisis went in to more crisis because they did not even get a chance to occur.i am sad because I could not experience the love affair with mid life crisis.

I am blessed in more than a million ways,for people who take health as a blessing I am blessed,for those who take a happy family life as a blessing I am blessed and for those money is a blessing I am even blessed with that!I have a life many wish for but still anxiously like a little kid biting nails with excitement I was waiting for my crisis.so just wondering what made me want those crisis .For the optimistic peeps it might be a if I am bored and need a change and for the lovely pessimist peeps it might generate the idea that I am very ungrateful.Honestly I don't give a damn piece of sparrow shit what people think but still somewhere I do and did crave for my crisis.I love experimenting and learning new things like I learned to make a comic strip for my daughter and also saw a youtube tutorial to help her fix her laptop.I wanted to discover myself in those famously notorious Lucifer's generated mid life crisis.I wanted to see what happens if one let themselves go.Today I am thinking maybe not having mid life crisis is the CRISIS actually.I am in a weird unexplainable confusion.The confusion is making me biting my nails,making my hair fall,making me try new recipes and God knows what. It's just that I wished for a little more dramatic encounter….    

Letter to my daughter 2

Letter to my daughter 2

 

by

Sadaf Salman Makhdoom

 

My heartbeat!

I love you beyond words.Love,that neither words nor expressions can explain.It's more like a paranormal activity.You can feel it but may never see it clearly because I am not blessed with the beautiful blessing of expression like you,so my daughter to start with,you should know that you are a superior human than your mother and a best version of myself.

In my previous letter to you all I told you about was the love-affair life offers us but I feel you should know the bitter half too.For that you need to understand that bitter is also a taste which unfortunately our buds are not accustomed to.With love affair comes betrayal.Betrayal is inevitable ,no matter in what shape or intensity, it will come.Do not get scared of betrayal because at the end of the even the darkest tunnel there is light awaiting.

Life will offer you beauties and happiness and but do remember life has the capacity if taking it back in a fraction of second and then my daughter comes the toughest part.People will tell you to stay head strong, fight with courage ,face the realities and move on, but your mother advises you otherwise my sunshine.Its ok to feel devastated,it's ok to feel that the world has fallen apart,its ok to feel that you will never be able to come out of it and it's absolutely okay to feel that life has ended for you.Grief is a very integral part of our lives,once we give it it's due share in life let's it's role get played it leaves you with peace with your own self.

When the grief leaves you it grants you with a very strange gift ,the gift of relief.Once you learn to have peace with grief and let it do it's work it will leave you gracefully empowering you with maturity and experience.I read somewhere "cry a bridge and get over it" so love,grief is that bridge across which ,you will find a ray of hope.

Sweetheart!I run out of words when I write you something because I feel I have so much to learn from you,yes you my darling because you have the purest strain of life in you where as mine got polluted with time and circumstances.

Remember!don't let yourself get absorbed by the pollution of negativity which will come in time because that is what life is about and learn to accept it as it comes and try to get the better out of it.While climbing the ladder of life you will face times when you will be pulled down but only then you will realize that people who pull you down are not bad or inhuman, it's just that they too are fighting their battles and demons.

I see you handling some issues very differently.I love your approach towards life and I assure you with this approach you will progress and will master the art of going on with the flow.I see my inner self in you.You are a true reflection of me when you leave yourself to the waves of the vast ocean of life and embrace the high and low tides with dignity.But what I wish for is you going against the tides,like a beautiful rebel you are,challenging and struggling for what is right.

As your mother,I would love to see you turning into a beautiful young soul who can decide and can categorize the bad,the good,the worst and the best for herself,just tread carefully and meanwhile focus on your flaws and perfections instead of pinpointing others.

I am a fortress of memories and experiences,some bitter and others beautiful.With time I will pour them out slowly for you to learn or at least use some portions of it in your life.My daughter,don't learn from my experiences,use mine as a dictionary when you feel you are getting lost. 

I love you ! 

چھوٹی سی غیرت

چھوٹی سی غیرت 

از صدف سلمان مخدوم 

ٹوٹی ہوئی چارپائی سے اٹھ کر اپنے مخصوص اعضاء کو کھجاتا ہوا وہ دروازے پر آ کھڑا ہوا اور گرجدار آواز میں بولا، "اری او حرامزادی رجو، نہانے کا پانی لا". یہ اس کا خاص محبت بھرا لہجہ اپنی بیوی کے لئے تھا.


 اچانک اس کی نظر خالہ حاجن کی بیٹی پر پڑی جو اس کی بیٹی کی عمر کی تھی. کمسن جوانی اور بیجا بڑے گلے کی قمیض نے اس کی کھجلی اور تیز کر  دی.ایک غلاظت بھری مسکراہٹ اس کے  مکروہ چہرے پر پھیل گئی. 

• اتنے میں اس کی بیٹی چیختی ہوئی  گھر میں داخل ہوئی. "ابا ابا، وہ جو  شیدہ ہے نہ، اس نے میرا دوپٹہ  کھینچ لیا". غضبناک ہو کر اس نے کونے میں پڑا کلہاڑا اٹھا لیا. اسکی غیرت جاگ اٹھی تھی!

Burqi Qumqumay

Burqi Qumqumay

 

by

Sadaf Salman Makhdoom

 

I was having a boring usual day with lots of chores to run when suddenly I saw a Pathan selling hot Channas. I was alone so thought of buying some, otherwise kids tear away that little packet of happiness in a fraction of second and literally spill the beans (in this case my beloved black Channas) in the car.

While waiting for my Channas I saw this beautiful decoration and Barqi Qumqumay (fairy lights). It was all in the honour of Prophet’s (pbuh) birth whose teaching are sadly long forgotten by us. Anyways I had no intention of taking this to our dark religious side.

These Barqi Qumqumay is a symbol of happiness, light and festivity. Those danglers were beautifully hung with strings. Not eye soothing but yes, eye catching colours. Couldn't help but take pictures because it all gave me somehow a very light feeling.

Suddenly a man came up and said in a very manly tone (or as he thought his tone was) "AP kis waja say tasveerain khainch rahe hain" (what is your purpose of taking pictures). I was a little taken aback and then I replied "kyoun Bhai AP ka area hai?" (why sir is this your area). He was not expecting such a reply from a decent woman sitting in an expensive car and he immediately stepped away.

 

I feel sad and honoured to mention here that this sudden spurt and rush of confidence came from those neon danglers and my beloved Burqi Qumqumay and not from some human soul. Well, I was not concerned whether they were being blasphemous by celebrating the day because it happens to be the death anniversary of the Prophet (pbuh) too, or to think that they were illiterate fools wasting money. I found myself as one of those fools actually because I felt happy with all the colours and lights. Only what mattered was that what made so many people happy were not people just like my ejaculation of confidence.

There were lights and colours  just everywhere including my boring day. As I got my Channas, I proceeded to get some Dahi and there I saw heaps of sweets for celebrations being sold at cheap rates because of 12 r.w.l. Orange coloured sweets and small colourful sweet called Boondi. The smell of the sweet was not mouth watering at all because it all was just, I guess, too sweet for me to handle (on a philosophical note life has filled quite some bitterness in me and suspicion is raised in case I feel something too sweet). What actually made me smile is that Halwai was giving small kids free Boondi in celebration, without thinking that he will go home with less leftover Mithai for next day, and even lesser money for his family.

 

Later that day I realized that why is it so that I found random moments of happiness in colours, danglers and Barqi Qumqumay. Then I gave an answer to myself that it's because, may be we have stopped being the reason of happiness for each other. We all are so occupied that we somehow do not appreciate each other that much. Do not share a good laughter and only compare ourselves and our lives with each other. It's us who is supposed to be the Barqi Qumqumay for each other. The beautiful string of light that decorates the sad moment of someone by hugging them and wrapping around their sadness.

 

A Letter to My Daughter

A Letter to My Daughter

by

Sadaf Salman Makhdoom

Dearest love,

It's been days since I have been collecting a treasure of words to write down something for you. Yes, treasure because you are my most precious possession and my princess. You must be wondering why I haven't addressed your two younger sisters. To be honest, you are my emotional heir and I want you to be the one whom your sisters should follow. I want them to look up to you as a role model and their confidante.

You may or may not understand what I will write down right now because you are just a budding flower right now and I am sure by the time you reach your full blossom, you will surely understand what I am saying.

Love, the core of life is faith. It's not just religion which binds you to the faith; it's the faith in yourself that binds you to everything else. Have faith in yourself and it will empower you like none other. Faith always comes with perks, it gives you the grounds and the power to remain unshaken no matter how hard life hits you. True faith and belief in yourself makes you come back even stronger than before .

My lovely daughter, life is beautiful. It is just so full of surprises, some are good and others are not. I want you to know that in good times don't forget the not so good ones because that would make you humble. Vice versa, in bad times let the good times be the light to follow. Nothing is constant here, you will learn that with time. You will get to know beautiful people, some great friends but always remember that behind every face there lies another one. It will apply to you too once you grow up. We show up with different faces at different places, depending upon our situations. My love, always make sure you make no one sad, at least try because we aren't angels.

You will fall in love. It is one of the most beautiful experiences of life. Never evaluate anyone considering their circumstances and never ever judge them. Love is something that gives rhythm to life and I will be more than happy if you get to enjoy it.

Tread very carefully in life. You never know where and when a camouflaged enemy will be waiting. Just because they can’t be like you, my princess, they will hate you. There isn't any hard and fast rule that what people want to see in you.

Be everyone's friend but choose your friends very carefully.

Never be scared of making decisions, good or bad. We are not born perfect and I have hardly seen anyone mastering at perfection either. If a decision goes wrong, don’t  worry, just let it go with the flow and if the decision goes right just be humble, thankful and enjoy because nothing lasts forever.

Help others as you expect others to help you. I was once told in my childhood never to expect anything from anyone but time proved it wrong. Expectation is what keeps you going. Expecting the good about life and people is what helps you maintain a fair balance.

I want you to know that I may scold you and act unfair at times right now, but you, my daughter, hold the most precious corner of my heart. Life becomes stressful at times and mommy gets upset but trust me, seeing your beautiful innocent big eyes makes me forget all my worries.

I want you to know that no matter how life treats you, no matter what mistake you make, no matter how unfair things might get, your mommy will always be there to support you and love you through all this, without any judgment because I know how difficult growing up is.

You will understand all this, with time and with experience and I am sure you will have one of the most wonderful experiences, which your mother failed to experience.

Your ever loving mother